August 05, 2011

No Planking Zone

Home = No Planking Zone
I am totally at a loss with the phenomenon of planking. Are we so collectively bored that taking pictures of oneself lying face down fascinates? I mean this is the position most of us have been sleeping in since birth. Give me a picture of a Cirque de Soleil acrobat with her left toe in her right ear and I’m impressed. Someone planking, not so much.

Impressive? Yes.

If you haven’t heard of planking, congratulations – you are a better person than me. According to the urban dictionary, planking is the art of laying horizontally in a strange or unusual place. In order for it to be legit, one must post a picture of it on the internet, preferably on Facebook.
Now it's starting to make more sense...
After reading that definition it started to make more sense to me, the key phrase being 'a strange or unusual place.' I mean if you can plank on the Great Wall of China, atop the Eiffel Tower, or even a moving escalator, kudos to you. So what I really don’t understand is the celebrities who twit photos of themselves planking in the most conventional of places, like at one's own home. Admittedly, the Playboy Mansion may seem 'strange and unusual' to some, but to the senior who's lived there since the '70s its standard routine.

Hugh, this is all sorts of wrong!

Furthermore, according to the above definition, laying across a flat-surfaced dining room table does not a planker one make. That's just plain lazy. Might as well just plank across your bed Hugh, because frankly there’s nothing novel about seeing you atop that either. Generally speaking, furniture is designed with the intent for people (or items) to sit or lay upon. Thus, planking at your house seems to defy the very nature of planking.

Planking across a couch, table or bed is counterfeit planking and I won’t support it. That's right, stop the spread of this contagion at your front door. Keep your home a no planking zone.


goldfine said...

This is hilarious - happy to see you writing something that is not about blood! :)

Anonymous said...


Elena said...


video jones said...

I have been inspired by this. I can't wait to plank next to the Blood Center van.

Katherine Velie said...

david jones-
as long as they could still reach a good vein in your arm, they'd love it!

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