Slow and Steady wins the race...

A tortoise shell hangs on Nate Berkus' wall in his Chicago apartment (via Elle Decor)
Note the striped rug and Chinese Chippendale chairs!

And the finish line is on bookshelves and walls all over.  The tortoise might be the ‘slowest you ever did meet,’ but his shell has kept steady pace in the design world for a few years.  Graphic and bold, tortoise shells are a sculptural accessory that can add texture and a sense of natural history to any space.  (*Genuine, antique shells should be purchased from a reliable source that can document them as a 'naturally shed shell.'  These protected animals should never be killed for their shell.) 

The good news for turtles is that there are resin and ceramic replicas of these coveted shells sold all over.

Tortoise shells as decorative objects on a bookshelf (via Elle Decor)

An antique tortoise shell hangs on New Orleans' Designer
Melissa Rufty's laquered walls .  (via House Beautiful.)

Kelly Wearstler lined the walls of La Marea Restaurant
at The Tides South Beach Hotel with resin tortoise shells.

Designer Mary McDonald creates a vignettte on a console with some mini tortoise shells.

A large Tortoise shell doubles as a fireplace screen.  (image via Elle Decor)

Jonathan Adler's Tortoise shell lamps.

Talented artist Amanda Talley creates masterpieces on tortoise shells. 

Mecox Gardens resin tortoise shell

The moral of this story is: a little inspiration goes a long way, especially when your pockets aren't deep enough for some of these fine accesories (the Mecox Gardens resin shell is $995, and J. Adler's lamps are $695...).  Look what I found at PetSmart the other day for $11.99:

What's good enough for some reptile's cage....

is good enough for my bookshelves.

And you know I've been dying to say this:  Turtle Time!  (if you don't watch the disaster that is Real Housewives of NYC: a. Good for you, 

b. Please disregard the last comment, I'm not really sure what it means either, so I can't explain it.)

Striped Silly

Jean Paul Gaultier brings his signature stripe to an Elle Decor Paris apartment

I love stripes.   A little here, a little there.  It's all good. How about everything wrapped in stripes?

 Are you dizzy?

Stripes on the walls and the floors:

Very fun.  Kate Spade store in NYC.

Stripes on the floor:

Tim Nye's NYC apartment floors by Jim Lambie.

via Home and Garden

Stripes on the wall:

 Tori Merlott's NYC apartment via Domino

Image via Domino

Stripes on the ceiling:

J. Crew Creative Director Jenna Lyon's nursery for her son via Domino.
I LOVE it when nurseries step out of the pastel pink and blue box!

Striped rugs:

Love the rug and the gallery walls down the hall. via my Pintrest

Ikea Rug.

Striped chairs:

How cool is this striped fabric on these french chairs?  image via pintrest

Striped out yet?  Here's a little striped story.  What if you lived here...

Keeping it real in the stripyhood.

and walked through this door...

where's your striped key?

into this room...

Stripidy, stripy, striped room!  (eye ouch)

and wore this outfit....

"Hi, I live in the striped house.  That's why I'm in cuffs with ball and chain." 

Is that too much?
Just don't wear the above outfit in the above room or you'll be invisible.  Alright, enough.  I'm moving on now...in these shoes:

Go Saints!!!!

Christian Louboutin Bicho Striped Suede Pump Black/Yellow

I heart Chippendales

Living on in their humor and talent....

It goes without saying that the above two are my all time favorite Chippendales.  Here is my third favorite:

The kind of Chippendale you sit on, rather than the kind that tries to sit on you.

I recently redid this claw-and-ball foot Chippendale for someone.  Unfortunately there are no before pictures, but it was pretty run down.  Some high gloss white paint and vintage flame-stich material transformed the chair into an awesome accent piece for their room. 

Even without the bowtie and shirt-cuffs, intricate carving and details (note claw and ball foot on some) make the classic Chippendale eye candy: 

Traditional Chippendale = he's no Chris Farley, but still good lookin'

Traditional with an twist is more my style.  Contemporary fabric or just paint can turn grandma's heirloom into something edgy, stylish and magical: 

Here's some classic chippendales with lime green fabric, paired with wingbacks
in Kelly Wearstler's Imperial Trellis fabric.  Love the look...image via decorpad.com

White Chippendales in a Shaun Smith designed dining room.

Designer Mary McDonald uses a white Chippendale as her desk chair.

See?  Nice to look at, nice to sit on, and no tipping necessary!

There’s no place like home, unless you’re a pet fish.

This is what you get for a week long stretch of good behavior 

(and a back to school gift) if you live in my house:

If you're good, and you live here, you could have this too.

My son named him Nemo.   The fish is neither talented nor smart (as far as I can tell), so Picasso and Einstein were out, but even Bob would have been more original than having a pet fish called Nemo. Let's face it people: there's no convincing a four-year-old once his mind's made up, so Nemo 2.0 (or 2million.0) is home.  Anyway, I digress.


The downside about being a pet goldfish is that you have to live in a fishbowl.  And I can't be positive, but I'm not sure there's an upside.  That being the case, why does fish bowl decor have to be so depressing?  Plastic skulls, wrecked ships, ancient ruins...and fish gravel that looks like crayon shavings -- no, thank you.

There's no place like home, unless you're a pet goldfish.
Choices for fishbowl decor are quite limited.

These are better, but still:

Put your fish to work?  Who wants to live in their office?

Or worse, in their bathroom?

*(If you're a practical person, please read no further.  The following requires a suspension of all rational thought.)*  Here it is: pet stores should start selling some quality miniature furniture for fish bowls, à la the following:

A whole line of miniature moderns to make your fishbowl stylish.

With that in mind, here's what I've put together for Nemo 2.0's stylish abode:

In all seriousness though, PETA needs to be called about this disaster:

Do you really think your pet fish enjoy the view provided in this set up?
Not nice at all!

Bamboozled

Pair of Campaign Etageres,Hollywood Regency Style- Facon Faux Bamboo 

Please don't be bamboozled by the title of this post.  Just don’t cheat your home of bamboo – faux or real.  Hollywood Regency meets Chinoiserie chic meets awesomeness.  Live it, love it, or just look at it here:

Chinese Chippendale
(not the shirtless dude with the bow tie)
Jonathan Adler, Ballard Designs, and others sell these.
You can also find them all over ebay.  image via Jonathan Adler

These are great lacquered in just about any color...

Here they are in yellow in a Jonathan Adler designed dining room

Chinoiserie Faux Bamboo Mirror via cococozy

Gilt Bamboo Coffee Table

Laquered and Gilt Bamboo Stools via Gumps

And a treasure trove of this stuff on 1stdibs.com:

I just saw two tables similar to the nickel side table above on Craigslist for next to nothing.  (Famed designer Jan Showers has the item above on her 1stdibs page -- $2900 for the pair).  The best part about faux bamboo furniture is that there's no need to be bamboozled by the 1stdibs and designer prices.  If you take the time, you can find this stuff all over ebay and Craigslist on the cheap.  Usually all they need for their "Pretty Woman" moment is some high gloss paint.

Here's a table I found at a garage sale for a friend (it was $50):

From eeek....

To chic!

Feel bamboozled by this post?  I hope not :(