Summer Blockbuster

Summer kidnapped me and left the blog Home Alone, but the only thing breaking into this house was The Usual Suspects:  vintage finds, re-up projects and a compulsive re-arranger (that would be me).

If you recall, the fabulous coffee table find created The Perfect Storm to redecorate, and plunge into a creative Matrix around here.

Remember me? (don't pay attention to the background...work in progress)

Mission Impossible this was not.  Moving art, and furniture from one room to another until Twilight and beyond is Much Ado About Nothing for me.  It’s Love, Actually.

Here’s a little sneak preview of the coming attraction in the den:

I can’t wait to show you photos of the ‘final cut”!

Until that project's finished, here’s a little Hide and Seek fairytale to celebrate the end of my summer hiding.

 

Who's hiding now?  (note the zebra hide on the floor & french chair in
the corner - an ebay find waiting for her knight in shining new upholstery) 

Once upon a time a Sleeping Beauty was resting on the living room floor.  Things around the house got a little Tangled.  Yes, the hide from the floor is now on the chair.  From Cinderalla to Beuty and the Beast:

   

Thus, The Never Ending Story of my house (ha ha).  More on the shake up soon.

Possum on the roof....and a snakeskin table

He's such a stud.  That's my five year old in the background
having fun with the stud finder I just showed him how to use.  

Chapter two of my house swirling around in a twister à la Dorothy's in the Wizard of Oz.

scratch, scratch, can I come in? My first houseguest for the day.

First, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the bathroom (like something or someone was in there).  The danger-seeker that I am, I opened the door to discover a very large and fat possum hanging out on top of the skylight on the roof.  He began frantically scratching at the window, and obviously wanted to come in.  Of course, why wouldn't he want to chill here -- my house probably looks like familiar territory to him: wild.  (Unfortunately, I couldn't grab the camera quick enough!  I'm wondering where he scurried off to...probably to his new home, our attic. anyone have the # for Animal Control?)


Speaking of wild animals.  A buddy of mine passed on two yards of this fabulous faux snake skin:

B. Berger faux leather/ Sand Serpant

I've been trying to figure out a creative use for it, and since the creative cyclone hit the house, I decided to change the look of these two side tables I was never really crazy about.

Picked these up on the cheap at Home Goods
@ 4 yrs. ago, and never liked the ugly brass finish, but liked the shape.

So.......

A little paint, gorrilla glue, and a lot of elbow grease later:

I haven't had time to complete the second table yet, but this one came out pretty cool!  I think they'll add texture to the room, and look really interesting.  Needless to say, they look a lot better and more high-end....

and I know my new marsupial friend would agree.

Exotic in every way

A little exotic animal print in your home will not necessitate one of these warning signs.

Falling under the bizarre but true file is yesterday's little incident in Zanesville, Ohio.  Residents were warned to stay indoors due to an outbreak of exotic animals.  That's pretty exotic stuff for a Wednesday I'd say. 


Among the 56 animals corraled, and sadly, put down were 18 extremely rare Bengal tigers, 17 lions, six black bears and one baboon.  I can confirm from a first-hand and frightening encounter with a baboon (true, but long story), these monkeys are vicious.  The owner, and collecter, of this wild but good-looking brood apparently let them all loose.

True story:  I once was faced by jaws similar to these.  It wasn't pretty.

Just my two-cents here, but if you are so inclined to collect exotic animals, there are much safer ways to go about it.  For instance, why not consider a little exotic animal print on a chair, or a little faux-zebra rug?  *(many zebra rugs are in fact printed on cow hides). 

Leopard print on a chair.  It won't eat you if you sit on it, and it still looks gorgeous.
Image via La Dolce Vita blog.

A Tiger Print ottoman in Designer Melisa Rufty's New Orleans home via House Beautiful.
It won't bite.

A zebra cow-hide rug.  No zebras were hurt to make my living room look prettier.

A nice leopard print pillow on a beautiful emerald green couch.
(Don't know the source...have had this image saved forever)

An antelope inspired rug adds elegrance to this soft room via Elle Decor. 

Antique benches covered in leaopard in the home of San Francisco designer Steven Volpe via
San Francisco Style by Diane Dorrans Saeks

Zebra print chair via  Melissa Rufty 

A little understated exotic animal print goes a long way.  Plus,no one gets hurt, not even the animals (as long as you're not using real fur/hide.)

Warhol would be proud, Snookie

The only thing similar about Marilyn and Snookie, in this case, is the color orange.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I love a good reality show. Frankly, the more tasteless it is, the better.   Admit it you closet-watchers, these shows can provide plotlines so base that they exceed the entertainment value any half-hour sitcom with canned laughs could possibly provide. 

Freaks watching freaks pretty well sums it up.  I admit, I watch this trash too.

While the trash continues to clog up the TV guide, said trash is lining their pockets with wads of cash -- literally.  Yes, Snookie and The Situation are millionaires.

Jokes on us: 'The Situation' and Snookie are laughing to the bank and back.

If you haven’t heard of these two people, you need to leave the house more often.  Even if you don’t watch The Jersey Shore (of which I proudly only watched one season), the cast of this show has become pop culture icons and a leading example of how the definition of ‘celebrity’ has come to include camera hungry fools whose talents consist of fist-pumping, and GTL (gym, tanning and laundry for those not ‘in the know’).  Basically Andy Warhol and his 15-minute fame theory proved true.

Warhol -- famous for throwing wild parties, and perhaps for predicting the future.

So what do GTLers do with instant fame and money?  They get a Hollywood makeover of course!  For Pauly-D, The Situation, Vinnie and Ronnie, a makeover just means jugs of salon quality hair spray, plus a larger collection of track shoes and Ed Hardy t-shirts.  For the girls, as always, it’s a different story.  I didn’t even recognize these people when I saw this picture from the Video Music Awards:

What happened to  the sweat-suit clad tanned victims that made this series famous?

If you’re here, you know by now that I love a makeover.  Although their attire still rings Jersey (think sequins, animal print), their faces and bodies apparently got the standard Hollywood Rx .  Clearly their Jersey pad is also in need of a little nip/tuck to compliment their new faces/bodies. And guess who’s the girl to do it?  (Sheepishly raising my hand as I try to cover my face).  Okay, me:

 

Now that these people are here to stay –for the next 14 minutes at least, I’d like to see The Situation explain the connotation of this abomination that is such an aberration in the denotation of the civilization. 

Slow and Steady wins the race...

A tortoise shell hangs on Nate Berkus' wall in his Chicago apartment (via Elle Decor)
Note the striped rug and Chinese Chippendale chairs!

And the finish line is on bookshelves and walls all over.  The tortoise might be the ‘slowest you ever did meet,’ but his shell has kept steady pace in the design world for a few years.  Graphic and bold, tortoise shells are a sculptural accessory that can add texture and a sense of natural history to any space.  (*Genuine, antique shells should be purchased from a reliable source that can document them as a 'naturally shed shell.'  These protected animals should never be killed for their shell.) 

The good news for turtles is that there are resin and ceramic replicas of these coveted shells sold all over.

Tortoise shells as decorative objects on a bookshelf (via Elle Decor)

An antique tortoise shell hangs on New Orleans' Designer
Melissa Rufty's laquered walls .  (via House Beautiful.)

Kelly Wearstler lined the walls of La Marea Restaurant
at The Tides South Beach Hotel with resin tortoise shells.

Designer Mary McDonald creates a vignettte on a console with some mini tortoise shells.

A large Tortoise shell doubles as a fireplace screen.  (image via Elle Decor)

Jonathan Adler's Tortoise shell lamps.

Talented artist Amanda Talley creates masterpieces on tortoise shells. 

Mecox Gardens resin tortoise shell

The moral of this story is: a little inspiration goes a long way, especially when your pockets aren't deep enough for some of these fine accesories (the Mecox Gardens resin shell is $995, and J. Adler's lamps are $695...).  Look what I found at PetSmart the other day for $11.99:

What's good enough for some reptile's cage....

is good enough for my bookshelves.

And you know I've been dying to say this:  Turtle Time!  (if you don't watch the disaster that is Real Housewives of NYC: a. Good for you, 

b. Please disregard the last comment, I'm not really sure what it means either, so I can't explain it.)

There’s no place like home, unless you’re a pet fish.

This is what you get for a week long stretch of good behavior 

(and a back to school gift) if you live in my house:

If you're good, and you live here, you could have this too.

My son named him Nemo.   The fish is neither talented nor smart (as far as I can tell), so Picasso and Einstein were out, but even Bob would have been more original than having a pet fish called Nemo. Let's face it people: there's no convincing a four-year-old once his mind's made up, so Nemo 2.0 (or 2million.0) is home.  Anyway, I digress.


The downside about being a pet goldfish is that you have to live in a fishbowl.  And I can't be positive, but I'm not sure there's an upside.  That being the case, why does fish bowl decor have to be so depressing?  Plastic skulls, wrecked ships, ancient ruins...and fish gravel that looks like crayon shavings -- no, thank you.

There's no place like home, unless you're a pet goldfish.
Choices for fishbowl decor are quite limited.

These are better, but still:

Put your fish to work?  Who wants to live in their office?

Or worse, in their bathroom?

*(If you're a practical person, please read no further.  The following requires a suspension of all rational thought.)*  Here it is: pet stores should start selling some quality miniature furniture for fish bowls, à la the following:

A whole line of miniature moderns to make your fishbowl stylish.

With that in mind, here's what I've put together for Nemo 2.0's stylish abode:

In all seriousness though, PETA needs to be called about this disaster:

Do you really think your pet fish enjoy the view provided in this set up?
Not nice at all!

Don’t’ Smurf up the Tulip Table

Yes she's cute, but Smurfette is no Diane Keaton

It’s long overdue, but the Smurfs have finally made the jump from TV to the movies. My son, niece and I joined a theatre full of Smurf lovers, and a crowd of obnoxious 14-year-olds (in front of us) to see the smurfs debut on the silver screen. I am no movie critic so don’t expect a review here. But there is one very, very, very, very tiny spoiler in the following random ramble.

Something you’ll probably be surprised (not) to learn about me is that when I go to the movies, I’m keen on, wait for it…..the interior spaces! Never will I forget Diane Keaton’s houses in both “Something’s Gotta Give,” and in “As Good As It Gets.” And it doesn’t get much better than her characters’ incredible taste in homes.

Let’s just say Smurfette is no Diane Keaton. Here’s the Spoiler Alert: There is one scene in the movie when the Smurfs decide to brighten up and redecorate a certain couple’s NYC apartment. How sweet. I was horrified, however, when they chose to cover the tulip side table with a crocheted blanket.

Modern classic, tulip table + Crocheted Blankie = A major smurf up

If only Patrick Swayze were still around for a cameo appearance: “Nobody puts crochet on the tulip (table)!!“? Yes, they really smurfed up. To make matters worse, trimming the edges of this particular knitted number were some very large pom-pom balls. Aesthetically speaking, the only place this hooked throw needed to be thrown if not the trash was on your Peepaw’s Barcalounger. Although I’ve never seen the inside of a Smurf mushroom, I just don’t think decorating is their thing.

(image link)

"Nobody puts crochet on the Tulip (table)!!"

So listen up Smurfs, I know your intentions were good, and crochet is nice for a cuddle on a cold day, but it just does not belong on such a classic design star like the tulip table. Stick to the things you do best like singing your smurftastic la-la song, saving clumsy Smurf from smurfing everything up, and smurfing away from that smurferable smurfmeister, Gargamel. (And anyway, where was Painter Smurf in this flick? Maybe he would have known better.)