No Planking Zone

Home = No Planking Zone

I am totally at a loss with the phenomenon of planking. Are we so collectively bored that taking pictures of oneself lying face down fascinates? I mean this is the position most of us have been sleeping in since birth. Give me a picture of a Cirque de Soleil acrobat with her left toe in her right ear and I’m impressed. Someone planking, not so much.

Impressive? Yes.

If you haven’t heard of planking, congratulations – you are a better person than me. According to the urban dictionary, planking is the art of laying horizontally in a strange or unusual place. In order for it to be legit, one must post a picture of it on the internet, preferably on Facebook.

Now it's starting to make more sense...

After reading that definition it started to make more sense to me, the key phrase being 'a strange or unusual place.' I mean if you can plank on the Great Wall of China, atop the Eiffel Tower, or even a moving escalator, kudos to you. So what I really don’t understand is the celebrities who twit photos of themselves planking in the most conventional of places, like at one's own home. Admittedly, the Playboy Mansion may seem 'strange and unusual' to some, but to the senior who's lived there since the '70s its standard routine.

Hugh, this is all sorts of wrong!

Furthermore, according to the above definition, laying across a flat-surfaced dining room table does not a planker one make. That's just plain lazy. Might as well just plank across your bed Hugh, because frankly there’s nothing novel about seeing you atop that either. Generally speaking, furniture is designed with the intent for people (or items) to sit or lay upon. Thus, planking at your house seems to defy the very nature of planking.

Planking across a couch, table or bed is counterfeit planking and I won’t support it. That's right, stop the spread of this contagion at your front door. Keep your home a no planking zone.

Fabricadabra Friday

Sometimes all it takes is some fabulous fabric to transform a piece of furniture.

Exhibit A:

$20 craigslist chair.  (seller's pic)
(I actually felt guilty for paying so little, but the guy told me he bought it from a Hotel Liquidator for $40, so he sold it for half that.  Honest people...I like it!)

Sand Strie Kelly Wearstler fabric on old, ugly chair = Comfortable den chair.

Exhibit B:

$65 consignment store French country chair

a little wood stain and fabric polish + awesome David Hicks Fabric

= Stylish Desk Chair

Fabricadabra!

(PS: There is actually an online store, Fabricadabra, that sells some

great suzanis, ikats and other natural fabrics)

Don’t’ Smurf up the Tulip Table

Yes she's cute, but Smurfette is no Diane Keaton

It’s long overdue, but the Smurfs have finally made the jump from TV to the movies. My son, niece and I joined a theatre full of Smurf lovers, and a crowd of obnoxious 14-year-olds (in front of us) to see the smurfs debut on the silver screen. I am no movie critic so don’t expect a review here. But there is one very, very, very, very tiny spoiler in the following random ramble.

Something you’ll probably be surprised (not) to learn about me is that when I go to the movies, I’m keen on, wait for it…..the interior spaces! Never will I forget Diane Keaton’s houses in both “Something’s Gotta Give,” and in “As Good As It Gets.” And it doesn’t get much better than her characters’ incredible taste in homes.

Let’s just say Smurfette is no Diane Keaton. Here’s the Spoiler Alert: There is one scene in the movie when the Smurfs decide to brighten up and redecorate a certain couple’s NYC apartment. How sweet. I was horrified, however, when they chose to cover the tulip side table with a crocheted blanket.

Modern classic, tulip table + Crocheted Blankie = A major smurf up

If only Patrick Swayze were still around for a cameo appearance: “Nobody puts crochet on the tulip (table)!!“? Yes, they really smurfed up. To make matters worse, trimming the edges of this particular knitted number were some very large pom-pom balls. Aesthetically speaking, the only place this hooked throw needed to be thrown if not the trash was on your Peepaw’s Barcalounger. Although I’ve never seen the inside of a Smurf mushroom, I just don’t think decorating is their thing.

(image link)

"Nobody puts crochet on the Tulip (table)!!"

So listen up Smurfs, I know your intentions were good, and crochet is nice for a cuddle on a cold day, but it just does not belong on such a classic design star like the tulip table. Stick to the things you do best like singing your smurftastic la-la song, saving clumsy Smurf from smurfing everything up, and smurfing away from that smurferable smurfmeister, Gargamel. (And anyway, where was Painter Smurf in this flick? Maybe he would have known better.)